One cold email, scored and rebuilt.
Every email gets a score out of 100, a list of what's costing the reply, and a rewrite that fixes those things in order.
This is the kind of scorecard we'd run on outreach for .
See an example scorecard.
The Pitch-Slap
It opens with you, not them, and ends with three different asks. A cold reader is gone by line two and the rest never gets read.
Cold readers decide on line one. A name-and-company intro tells them it's a blast and they stop reading.
"Unlock the power of AI", "proven methodology", "stay ahead": nothing D. Renwick recognises from their own week.
Calendar link, reply or phone. Cold readers refuse meetings but say yes to easy, so give them one easy thing.
Name, role, no essay under it. Keep that.
Hi D. Renwick,
I hope this email finds you well. My name is James and I'm the founder of SignalGen Automation, an AI automation agency that helps B2B SaaS companies unlock the power of AI across their go-to-market.1
We work with companies like yours to streamline operations, automate workflows and drive growth. Our proven methodology has helped businesses save time, cut costs and stay ahead of the competition.2
I'd love to jump on a quick 30-minute call to learn more about Tallybright and explore how we could help. You can book a slot using my calendar link.3
Alternatively, reply to this email or give me a call and we can find a time that suits.3
Looking forward to hearing from you!
Best regards,
James
Founder, SignalGen Automation
signalgenhq.com4
Pass each in order. A fail caps your score below 60, however good the rest is.
A link and an offer to call in a first touch risk the promotions tab.
Honest, but it reads like a campaign and not a colleague's note.
"My name is James and I'm the founder of": the first real line is about the sender.
Book a call, reply or phone: three asks, and the first is a cold calendar link.
Hi D. Renwick,
Saw you're hiring your first AE, looks like Tallybright is moving off founder-led sales.1
That's usually when list building and follow-up start eating the new rep's week. We help with lead gen and sales automation, so that time goes on calls.2
Worth a quick chat to see if it's useful?3
James
signalgenhq.com
Tallybright and D. Renwick are invented for the example.